i love working at an aquarium i just witnessed a grown man with children enter the freshwater gallery and loudly exclaim “oh shit, piranhas are REAL?!?”

You get there and all the pretty boys look up from drinking from the reservoir and gallop away like gazelle

man what tha hell am I going to do with a BACHELORS IN PSYCHOLOGY

I could be the person writing one time verification codes. 873726. 290971. 041452. 667656. It comes naturally to me.

They look so good

You have the best verification codes

I do what I can

i am not calling twitter fucking x

im deadnaming that shit

0/21

i feel like im in 5th grade being graded on a english grammar test all over again this is so fucked up

yeah my favorite homestuck troll is whoever the fuck that is, uh, what's her face, i don't fucking know, vriska

Ha I wonder how many strokes the most complex Chinese character has like maybe eightee-

Has a Chinese son, names him bèng-dá, and he hates me

My beloved son 䨻龘 just trying to write his name in kindergarten

"honeymoon phase" i am literally healthily insane and obsessed for the entire duration of the relationship. skill issue

i mean i know you're taking the piss, but Dan O'Bannon has talked at length about how he did very much deliberately write the movie to attack a male character in a way that invoked oral rape and violent childbirth because he wanted the film to create sexual anxiety and fear in the men in the audience, which he felt was an untapped potential in horror

One of the realest comments I’ve ever read

I feel like if humans swallowed rocks like birds do to help grind up food we'd have so much fun with it.

Can just imagine all the girlies on tiktok going "I know this is a bit controversial but I honestly love using limestone as a gastrolith. Not only can you readily forage it but they are just so pretty when smoothed out after regurgitating them"

and then all the comments would be like " girl 😭 😭 calcite dissolves in stomach acid!! Just use quartz if you want a pretty gastrolith like 💀"

I like this site. Y’all just shotgunning counterfactual timelines

Folks announcing they're leaving Tumblr because they're unhappy with the Twitter clone dashboard on desktop. (I don't blame you, it's broken af.) Meanwhile, the day this hellsite finally does close, staff are going to have to pry me out of the air vents like a rabid raccoon that's adapted to survive on drinking air conditioning coolant and whatever trash is left lying around in the breakroom.

Mad that she cant afford botox really innit

you will never escape the labyrinth